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LustSpiel festival (3) -- George Clooney and Paul Revere are both raging homosexuals

We've reached 1 million page views, and it's time for a self-congratulating festival with some of our best, most significant posts--reposted. Here's the third one, published originally on June 12, 2015:

Editor’s prescript:  An important manuscript sheds new light on the actor and director George Clooney of Hollywood, California, and on an important historical American figure, Paul Revere. It was discovered by LustSpiel's correspondent Glenn von Kleist.

George Clooney

The fragment was found on the pages of aceonlineschools, [link broken] and we provide its entire transcription here:

"Many people throughout history have influenced the nation through music, literature, and media. These individuals have left a lasting impression on the people they impressed. They have influenced people's lives. George Clooney is one of these individuals. He has left a lasting impression on the nation and his story is worthy of elaboration.
"George Clooney was born in 1692, when Columbus sailed the ocean blue. His mother and father were both on the Mayflower heading east. His father was native to Spain while his mother was native to Spain. When little Georgie was born, they knew he was destined for greatness because his hair shone like the morning sun and he had the eye of the tiger. He was also really, really tall. When he came to America, he said, “I claim this land,” And it was so. He and his family grew up as royalty in a cottage in Jamestown, Illinois. Everyone in the village worshiped them because they were royalty. By the age of four, George Clooney was 90 stories tall and could spell the word “pseudoantidisestablishmentarianism.” This was pretty cool because even I can’t spell that. In his spare time, George Clooney liked to record hit country-rap singles and go on walks around town with his huge blue cow, Oprah Winfrey. But then Oprah got a talk show and started to get famous, so they grew apart. Little did he know, but his connections with Oprah would soon bring him stardom.

George Clooney’s rein as “King of movies” began one quiet summer afternoon. He had just gotten back from the country bathouse [sic] after signing the Declaration of Independence and the Magna Carta. Needless to say, he was beat, and decided to go to his bed for a little catnap. While he was sleeping, Paul Revere came to his doorstep and said, “Hey, George Clooney, we’re finally pulling out of Iraq! Are you up for some billiards?” George Clooney replied, “Anything for you, Paul Revere,” because, as you may not know, George Clooney and Paul Revere...[illegible]...Everything was indeed as well as it seemed. You may be asking, “what does this have to do with his television career?” or “why does Paul Revere want to play billiards?” Well I’ll start by answering the latter. Paul Revere, being a raging homosexual, was part of Hitler’s Raging Homosexual Nazi Party. George Clooney, on the other hand, was simply a Homosexual Royal Spaniard. Because of their differences, Paul Revere invited George Clooney to play billiards to settle their differences. But instead of settling their differences, he killed him. After this ordeal, George Clooney was in the hospital for months regaining his life force.

Some say he went to monkey heaven, where he ate a banana with Austin, but others say that he in fact did not. The world may never know.

"When George Clooney had fully recovered, he started filming for Oceans Thirteen. One day, whilst drinking Prapel(…)Water (?????) Havored. (That’s the worst one) he revelated…

Editor’s postscript: Sadly, this is where the fragment ends.

Glenn von Kleist plays a multifaceted role in international society.


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